


Birthday Plans

by strideristic



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 3rd wheel eridan whoop whoop, College AU, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Non-Sburb, ultimate gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-24 17:17:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2589749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strideristic/pseuds/strideristic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is John Egbert, and you are celebrating your friend's brother's birthday. But you don't even know who he is. Rose just suddenly invited you, and then here comes the birthday. But nah, it wouldn't hurt to introduce yourself, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ok this is actually a co-author fanfic but my friend doesnt have an ao3 account yet so  
> yeah  
> ..yeah

Your name is John Egbert, and you are celebrating your friend's brother's birthday. But you don't even know who he is. Rose just suddenly invited you, and then here comes the birthday. But nah, it wouldn't hurt to introduce yourself, right? You bet that he's nice. Well. Maybe. _Bluuh, just do it already!_

You scoot over lots of people, not knowing who they are. Atleast, you recognize some people. You see Jade, wave hello, then scoot again. Sollux, Karkat, Terezi, Rose.... Rose! You find her with her brother. You meet up with them(causing them to be startled) and then, automatically, Rose introduces you to her brother. His name is Dave, and he's 18 years old. Sweet! Another bro to prank. You feel your gambit excite to the idea of pranking him.

"'Sup." He says, stoic-faced. In the middle of the handshake, Rose excuses herself, wearing a smile. You talk to him about several interests, like movies, that he might find familiar. He, well, only says this: "Wow, man. Did you like, live in another generation? Those movies are old as fuck right now." Well, thanks. _Sheeeeeesh!_ Rude. Still, he seems fun to be friends with. Just ignore the huge amounts of sarcasm and irony he uses. Just ignore. That's right, just ignore. Just igno-o-o-o-oooore. 'FUCK I CAN'T DO IT' 

You talk alot later soon. After a bit of complaining on how Con Air is not lame, you tell him to follow you to introduce him to Jade. She spots you, and spots Dave too. She introduces herself to him in a way so hyper, you nearly laugh. Nearly. A chuckle was sufficient, at some point? But they still heard you. No point worrying about that. Jade and Dave seem to be friends by now, you think. They would be the best of friends! 

You introduce Dave to all of your friends(in the party), some he met before. Dave stops following you, saying he needs to talk to Rose. You let him, you can't keep him all for yourself, of course. "See ya' later bro. What's your pesterchum handle, anyways?" He asks. You reply, "ectoBiologist. Blue text." He says, " turntechGodhead, red text." You keep that in mind, and part ways.

As soon as the party ends, you go home to your apartment. Your books are scattered around your desk, Casey sleeping, aircon on. She must have probably opened it.

Casey is your little cousin, and her parents left her to you. Your Dad let you, anyway. You ruffle her hair, put her beside you, and put her on her lap, while sleeping. You review for the upcoming exam, but you just can't. You wonder what's interfering your mind, then suddenly.

 Oh fuck.

You fell asleep. 

* * *

 

Your name is Dave Strider, and you just woke up in 5 AM in the morning. You waking up early is pretty unusual(also more unusual since your party lasted until 1 AM)and also you feel sleepy. Ugh. Eyebags thicken, messy bed hair, and your messed up apartment. What's more is that its fucking Thursday and you might probably have class. UGH. You feel like dozing off any minute now.....Any minute now.... Agh. For crying out loud. You get your lazy ass up and go text Rose if there's classes or not.

\--

Subject: rose i need to fucking sleep rn

To: Rose Lalonde

From Dave: lalonde is there even any classes rn my eyes are fucking crying here help me out jesus christ my mind is somewhere so fucking fahr from reailty UGH FUCKING SPELLING MISTAKES

From Rose: Whoa, calm down, Dave. Don't you remember that there are no classes for this whole week? Also, you need to stop getting cranky. You'e becoming Karkat a slight bit. And its pretty unusual for you to wake up so early, what happened?

From Dave: ugh rose dont even but atleast no classes woop woop FUCK YEs i can dooze off now hallelujah praise the lord i see angels

From Dave: also happy birthday sis hope ur bday goes better than mine bc my party was complete shit except egbert and you and jade and other ppl ofc

From Rose: Thank you very much, dear brother. :)

From Dave: oh no you did not just fucking use a smiley face

From Dave: i will forgive you THIS time only since its your bday n shit

From Rose: Haha. Oh, forgot to mention,  I left groceries there and your gifts that are still unopened.

From Rose: Just take a quick nap, then go cook, okay?

From Rose: Chat with you later, Dave.

From Dave: ok bye i need to dooze off now asap anyways

\--

You turn off your iPhone and quickly dooze off.

.

.

.

It's 9 AM in the morning, and you have just woken up. Yellow strands of hair meet your eyes. You rub your eyes, stand up, and go to the bathroom. That was pretty straightforward. You get your toothbrush, put some toothpaste onto it, water, and brush, brush, brush. You gargle, and a sudden thought comes from your mind, almost causing you to choke. That...was a close one, you guess? You're not really in the mood to be ironic and cool at the moment right now.

You go to the kitchen and prepare to cook, until you remembered... 

'I CAN'T COOK' This sentence plays over and over, and it is fucking mesmerizing. You quickly go to your bedroom and dress yourself. Just going to Subway is good enough, right? Hell fucking yes it is. You dress up in the most covering outfit because it is FUCKING COLD outside. December just started and you already are freezing your corpse to death. Ugh, Washington. Why must you be so gosh darn cold?

As you walk around the sidewalk, you remember that you have to add John soon. Wow, friends in a night. That was quickly rushed. You don't really mind though, he's a friend worth meeting. Maybe that's his way of making friends? "I dunno," You murmur. Still, your stomach is pleading for food. No John for a while, sorry mind. Your mouth is already watering at the thought of eating flatbread..oohh.

As you enter Subway, you feel the heat warming you up, and its really fluffy. You go find a table, and you do. But before that, you go to the counter and order something. 

"Hello, welcome to Subway, what would you like to order?" The person behind the counter asks with a very cheery smile. "I'd like to order a Spicy Italian and a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese flatbread, with a side of hashbrowns." You reply. You can't smile. Never. The person asks what drinks you would like, and you replied coffee. As you take your food, you go to your table and eat it. You only eat the flatbread, though. You decide to eat the rest at home. You take the food as takeout and quickly leave the restaurant.

Later, you're home. You store the hashbrowns in the fridge, and go open the computer. You open Pesterchum, talk to some friends, surf the web. You add John later on, wondering that he might be on. Hope he is....

ectoBiologist [EB] accepted your chum request.

Hell yeah, there's my man.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 11:12. --

TG: sup

EB: oh, hey dave!

TG: yo

EB: uh, okay? hehe.

EB: by the way, what university are you in? i forgot to ask :/

TG: same as rose's 

EB: then that means youre in the same uni as me then.

TG: oh cool

EB: glub

TG: what 

TG: whats the glub for

EB: oh sorry, casey suddenly jumped on my lap and typed that. she says that almost all the time!

TG: who the fuck is casey 

EB: shhh!! no cussing. casey's my little cousin. we live at the same apartment.

TG: okay then

TG: btw sorry for cussing ms egbert

TG: i will never ever cuss i am sorry ms egbert

EB: dave, stop that. D:

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have a daily dose of food porn and adorable casey moments. counting in also inner karkat.

 

Your name is John Egbert and you have just woken up from slumber. Very enjoyable slumber. Looks like Casey woke you up, pleading for food. "Don't worry Casey, i'll make you breakfast.  After 5 minutes, that is." You say so groggily.  You crack a chuckle and add "Just kidding." You look at the morning sun and stretch before standing up.

"You bettwer be, i'm weeally hungwy!" Casey babytalks and pouts. You rub your eyes, hold Casey's hand, and go to the bathroom to toothbrush. You put the ministairs on Casey's side of the sink, and she goes up. You two toothbrush and gargle before fixing your hair. Nothing says morning without well hygiene. _Wait_ when did you start talking like Dad.

As you go down the stairs, you inform Casey about what breakfast is, and she seems hyped up about it. You quickly tell Casey to set up the table while you cook. You prepare the ingredients and the pans and such. You go cook pancakes and bacon first.

As soon as breakfast is finished cooking, you put the food first on Casey's plate, and she quickly chows down on the food. You put yours on the table, and grab the fork and spoon. Casey's breakfast are small pancakes with a cute little bacon and egg face, with milk. Yours is french bread and bacon and some eggs. With coffee to wake you up.

As soon breakfast is finished, you wipe Casey's mouth ("Casey, don't eat too messy next time!") and clean the table while she runs over to the living room and turns on the TV. When you finished cleaning the table(shimmery table, oooohhh.) and then you decided to clean some more materials. Wash, wash, scrub, scruuub. You clean the dishes for at least 10 minutes. Or more. When you're finished, you dry up your hands and go upstairs quickly.

You shut yourself in the room and open up the computer. After all the loading, your desktop finally appears. Pesterchum makes its way to the desktop quickly and says a notification:  **turntechGodhead [TG] sent you a chum request.**

Wait, is that Dave? You're pretty sure he is, but.. Let's just see for ourselves? Aaaagh.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 11:12. --

TG: sup

\--

Something is fishy about this. You type some sentences, but you keep backspacing until..

  _"turntechGodhead, red text."_

 **ITS FUCKING DAVE YOU FUCKING DUMBASS GOOD FOR NOTHING NITWIT.** Your inner Karkat tells you so. "Agh, I'm so dumb!" You exclaim angrily while facepalming yourself.

EB: oh, hey dave!

You reply.

TG: yo

EB: uh, okay? hehe.

EB: by the way, what university are you in? i forgot to ask :/

TG: same as rose's

EB: then that means youre in the same uni as me then.

TG: oh cool

EB: glub

TG: what

TG: whats the glub for

EB: oh sorry, casey suddenly jumped on my lap and typed that. she says that almost all the time!

TG: who the fuck is casey

EB: shhh!! no cussing. casey's my little cousin. we live at the same apartment.

TG: okay then

TG: btw sorry for cussing ms egbert

TG: i will never ever cuss i am sorry ms egbert

EB: dave, stop that. D:

EB: by the way, anything good happened or none?

TG: none

TG: like bro do you want me to like do good deeds or some shit like that

TG: all i did is wake up early and eat subway sandwiches

TG: and talk to you

TG: very nice morning indeed huh

EB: dave, its just a question! if it meant negative or idk, i just wanted to know. sorry.

TG: nah its k 

TG: im the one who started all the biz so yeah

TG: its obviously my fault for not keeping my cool

TG: so yeah sorry

EB: we're even then.

TG: hm yea

EB: you added jade yet?

TG: no i didnt

TG: she hasnt even gave me her chumhandle

TG: its common sense you wouldnt give your number to someone you just fucking met

TG: unlike you who can get friends in one goddamn night

TG: i am amazed 

TG: teach me your ways

EB: dave, no cussing.

TG: and rather yet again i am so damn sorry ms egbert

EB: its okay though. casey's gone back downstairs.

EB: dave seriously. stop the ms egbert thing!!

TG: sigh fine

TG: i will relive it someday

TG: soon

TG: i will wait at the right moment

TG: the perfect moment to use it

TG: yes that would be hilarious as fuck

TG: more hilarious than karkat raging at romcoms

EB: dave. no. don't.

EB: i swear to god dave, if you do that, i'm so kicking your balls.

EB: still though, bros in a night!

EB: even if you're an ironic douchebag it would still do.

TG: hey it isnt my fault that im so ironic

TG: you yourself is a dork remember that

EB: duh. but i'll still deny that!

TG: sigh

EB: oh and dave i gtg!

EB: i need to talk to karkat.

TG: hm 

TG: k then

EB: well, bye then!

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:01. --

You remember Rose's birthday, and hesitate to do much more stuff before talking to Karkat. You pick your clothes first before doing anything.

* * *

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 12:09. --

EB: karkat, so what about it?

CG: WHAT ABOUT WHAT.

EB: your weird thing!

CG: OH. THAT.

EB: yes, that!

EB: you still worrying about it?

CG: NAH, NOT ANYMORE. THE THING IS, I CAN'T FUCKING DISTINGUISH IT FROM LOVE OR HATE.

CG: SERIOUSLY, EVER SINCE WE BECAME FUCKED UP FRIENDS WE TURNED INTO DOPEY DIPSAGS.

CG: WHO GIVES AN ACTUAL SHIT ANYMORE? NO ONE! YI-GODDAMN-PEE. I HAVE LOST FEELINGS FOR THAT MANIAC SLUT. 

CG: I'M SO DONE WITH HER. 

EB: umm.. terezi, right?? that was her name?

CG: EGBERT, IF YOU WANT TO FUCKING HELP ME AT LEAST, THEN YOU SHOULD KNOW THE GIRL. JEGUS CHRIST, JOHN.

CG: AND YEAH.

EB: sorry then!!

CG: YEAH, YEAH. ANYWAYS, I'LL TAKE A BREAK FROM LOVE FOR NOW. THAT STILL WON'T STOP ME FROM WATCHING MY ROMCOMS, THOUGH.

CG: MY PLAN IS ABSOLUTE. HELL FUCKING YES IT IS.

EB: uh, karkat, not to disturb you or anything, but you know that school's still there, right?

CG: YEAH. OF COURSE. 

EB: oh. okay then.

EB: anything else?

CG: OH, YEAH, THERE IS.

EB: what?

CG: YOU KNOW THAT SOLLUX GUY? WE BECAME FRIENDS. FOUND OUT HE KNOWS HOW TO PROGRAM.

CG: LIKE ME. A FINE MASTER OF SO-CALLED CODING AND SHIT LIKE THAT.

EB: you know that you and me suck at programming, right.

CG: WHO GIVES A SHIT (AGAIN).

CG: WELL THIS CONVERSATION HAS BEEN VERY NICE, NOW I MUST GO.

CG: ROSE'S PARTY IS STILL AT HAND.

EB: oh, coincidence, i'm about to go to hers too!

CG: PROBLEM IS THAT I'LL TAKE LONGER TO GO THERE. JADE HAS PRETTY MUCH GOT ME COVERED ON TRANSPORTATION.

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP WITH HER CAR AND SHIT.

EB: yeah, i know.

EB: i'm her cousin, you know.

EB: oh shit, gotta go, running late!!

CG: YEAH BYE.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 12:21. --

 You quickly cease to pester anyone, continue on dressing up (casually), and ready up your stuff. 

* * *

 As you leave the apartment, you leave Casey to your dad. You greet your goodbyes and drive the car as soon as you leave. The venue where it's held is in Rose's apartment (as usual!). It's already pretty near by your point of view, so you wouldn't mind to stop by a 7ELEVEN store. You buy a Slurpee and some candies and continue on driving. You see her apartment brooming with few people and park your car near Rose's.

As you enter, you see Rose with Kanaya sitting on the sofa, Sollux texting someone, Dave talking to Terezi, and so on and so forth.

You feel it's going to be a long day.

* * *

 Your name is Dave Strider and you're celebrating your sister's birthday.

The party started with small talking and deadpan silence, until John came in, then Jade and Karkat. John says a small hi to you, then dashes through the people to get to Rose and Kanaya. He greets Rose with a cheery "Happy Birthday, Rose!" and then Jade does so, so does Karkat (but his was NOT cheery at all), and then people do so one after one. Then Kanaya called the attention of the guests and told everyone to sing Happy Birthday to Rose, then people did do. Except you, since it looked so cheesy. No. 

Then it was gift-giving, and guests giving gifts(as usual) to Rose with happy greetings. Your present was much more useful than your present last year, no doubt. 

When Rose receives your gift, she tears it open formally (what how), she sees your unironic gift. A simple, unironic, Knit Kit. She hugs you and says a quick thank you before receiving the other presents.

And alas, food is served. A buffet. Inside her apartment. You know that her apartment is big,... Oh yeah, rich mom. You take some food to put in your plate then directly you go find a place where you can eat. You spot John eating beside the sofa. You walk near him and ask if you can eat there, next to him. He says yes, no doubt in his mind. Then you eat. You've gotten so hungry. You should of have eaten the hashbrowns before going here, jegus fuck.

"Hah, Dave, you'e eating like a hobo right now." John says.

"Screw you, I haven't eaten for hours, dork."

"Dave, no."

"John, yes."

"Do we have anything else to talk about besides this?"

"Why are you sitting here."

"Duh, no more tables!"

"None."

"Yeah, none."

"What about games."

"None."

John releases a sigh, then suddenly, he grins and takes a small portion of frosting then spreads it on your face--

"What. In the ever-loving fuck, are you doing, John, no, stop, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. no-"

And BAM.

Your face is now covered in cake! John's gambit rises crazy fast, and then he runs away grinning.

"GODDAMN IT, JOHN!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor dave  
> and also the solluxkarkat will come in the next two chapters so please stay tuned  
> and also most of this chapter has been pesterlogs hah...a


End file.
